I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
