I want to walk on stilts...naked
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
