Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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