I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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