woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
