it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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