I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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