i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
