last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
