So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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