Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
