Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she peed on how many people?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
