I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
