She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
