my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bring money and cleavage
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
