She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My balls are so social today.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
