I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
