She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
