I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
