Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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