so explain again why im purple
no
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
