Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
