eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All the doctor said was why
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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