Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
