i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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