Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
