i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
