either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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