yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
