Christians are straight up FREAKS
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
