Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
