im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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