all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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