apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
