My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
