Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I party with great urgency now.
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