I'm really into asian looking animals
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
