and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
