once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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