That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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