not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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