I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
