I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
