How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
