yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
