he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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