why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
