So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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