Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
