Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're too hungover to prance.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
