were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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