Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
