our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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