You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
