I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
