i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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