two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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