I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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