when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
