Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize