mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
