Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize