matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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