I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize