Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My brain says no but my pants say off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
